Why Your Thoughts Lie to You Sometimes: Understanding Cognitive Distortions 🧠✨

Have you ever walked away from a conversation replaying it over and over—convinced you said something awkward or wrong? Or maybe you’ve had one tough day at work and immediately thought, I’ll never get this right, I’m such a failure.

These moments aren’t just “overthinking.” They’re examples of cognitive distortions—automatic patterns of thinking that twist reality. And while they can be sneaky, understanding them is the first step to loosening their grip.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Cognitive distortions are mental shortcuts your brain uses to interpret the world. At one point, they may have helped you prepare for danger or cope with stress. But over time, they start bending the truth. Instead of giving you accurate information, they deliver a distorted story that fuels anxiety, depression, or shame.

Think of it like wearing glasses with the wrong prescription. Everything looks a little blurry, but because you’ve worn them so long, it feels normal.

The Most Common Distortions (and How They Sound)

• All-or-Nothing Thinking 🔲
  “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”

• Catastrophizing 🌪️
  “If this goes wrong, everything will fall apart.”

• Personalization 🎭
  “They’re upset—it must be because of me.”

• Mind Reading 🧩
  “They didn’t reply… they must be mad at me.”

• Discounting the Positive 🌱
  “Sure, I did well, but it doesn’t really count.”

Why Do These Patterns Develop?

Distortions often begin as protective strategies. If you grew up in an unpredictable environment, expecting the worst might have felt safer. If perfectionism was praised, black-and-white thinking could have been reinforced.

They’re not flaws—they’re survival skills that outstayed their welcome.

When Do They Show Up Most?

Distortions love to sneak in when your system is already under strain:

• When you’re tired or burned out 😴

• During stressful life changes 🔄

• In relationships or social situations 🤝

• When you’re stepping outside your comfort zone 🌱

Recognizing your personal “triggers” can help you catch them faster.

The Cost of Distorted Thinking 💭

Left unchecked, distortions can:

• Fuel anxiety (“what if everything goes wrong?”)

• Intensify depression (“nothing will ever change”)

• Chip away at self-esteem (“I’m not good enough”)

• Strain relationships (“they must hate me”)

But once you see the distortion for what it is, it loses some of its power.

👀 Spotting Your Pattern

Start by asking yourself:

• Which of these distortions shows up most for me?

• When do I notice them the most—at work, with family, late at night?

• What would I say if a friend told me this same thought?

Often, we’re much kinder to others than we are to ourselves.

How Therapy Helps Reframe the Lens 🛠️

In session, a therapist might guide you through:

1. Naming the distortion: “This sounds like catastrophizing.”

2. Checking the evidence: “What facts support this thought? What facts challenge it?”

3. Finding a balanced thought: “The presentation wasn’t perfect, but I handled the questions well. I can build on this.”

With practice, you learn to pause before automatically believing every thought that pops up.

📝 Quick Reality Check: 3 Questions to Ask Your Thoughts

Next time you notice a spiral, pause and ask:

1. Is this thought a fact, or a story I’m telling myself?

2. What’s the evidence for and against it?

3. If my best friend said this, what would I tell them?

🌿 This Week’s Practice

Try catching just one distortion a day. Write it down, label it, and reframe it. Remember—challenging your thoughts takes practice. Some days it will feel easier than others, and that’s okay. Progress is about awareness, not perfection.

✨ If you notice your thoughts often spiral into extremes, therapy can give you tools to step out of the distortion cycle and back into clarity.

✨Contact us to connect with a therapist who can support you.