What Do I Actually Like? Rediscovering Joy After Burnout or People-Pleasing

Jul 27

If you’ve ever stared at a blank “self-care ideas” list and drawn a total blank—you’re not alone.

After long seasons of survival mode, people-pleasing, or chronic overfunctioning, it’s common to feel disconnected from your own preferences. You may have spent so long tending to others’ needs that when someone asks What brings you joy? …you’re met with silence.

This post offers gentle tools to help you reconnect with your interests—not the ones you were told to have, but the ones that actually light you up. ✨

Why It’s So Hard to Know What You Want 😕

Whether you're healing from burnout, trauma, or a lifetime of high-functioning codependency, asking "What do I enjoy?" can feel surprisingly vulnerable.

Here’s why:

You’ve been praised for being adaptable, not assertive.
You learned to anticipate others’ needs before your own.
Your hobbies were shaped by what seemed “useful” or “acceptable.”
You weren’t given space to explore freely—or it wasn’t safe to.

Over time, this can create a deep sense of disconnection from your own identity. Rediscovery takes time—but it’s possible. 💪

5 Tools to Reconnect With What Brings You Joy 🛠️

**1. Follow the Spark, Not the Skill 🔍**

Instead of asking “What am I good at?” try “What catches my curiosity?” It doesn’t need to be productive or impressive—just interesting.
➡️ Watch what you click on.
➡️ Take note of what makes you linger.
➡️ Borrow joy: What do you envy in others’ lives?
➡️ Notice what you screenshot, save, or bookmark—these digital breadcrumbs often reveal genuine interests.

2. Revisit Childhood Clues 🧸

Before the people-pleasing kicked in, what did you love? Think back to:

Books you read over and over
Games you made up
Subjects you couldn’t stop talking about
Bring one tiny version of that back this week. Maybe you loved drawing as a kid but were told art wasn't “practical”—try picking up colored pencils again, just for 10 minutes. 🖍️

**3. Try the 5 Senses Map 👃👁️👂👅🖐️**

List one thing you enjoy for each of your five senses:

Sight: Colors or scenes that calm or energize you
Sound: Music or ambient sounds you love
Touch: Textures that feel comforting
Smell: Scents that spark memory or peace
Taste: Foods or drinks that feel nourishing or joyful
You might be surprised by how sensory preferences reconnect you to joy.

4. Use “Yes, No, Maybe” Lists to Test New Interests 📋

Create three columns:

YES: “I’ve tried this and liked it.”
NO: “Tried it, didn’t feel right.”
MAYBE: “Curious but not sure yet.”
Try one “maybe” each week. Give yourself permission to try without committing forever.

5. Say No to the “Shoulds” 🙅

As you explore, notice when something feels more like obligation than joy. Practice saying, “That sounds interesting but it’s not for me right now.” Curiosity thrives when it’s not weighed down by guilt or expectation.

For Those with Chronic Illness or Neurodivergence 🌀

Rediscovering joy may take a different shape when you're managing energy limitations, executive functioning challenges, or pain flares.

Start with micro-experiments that match your current energy levels. You don’t have to love everything you try. You just get to be curious. You’re allowed to want pleasure and play—without having to earn it.

For neurodivergent folks, things like ADHD hyperfocus or autistic special interests can offer powerful clues to what truly lights you up. 🔦

And remember—this isn’t about finding one perfect passion. It’s about rebuilding trust with yourself through curiosity and small moments of joy. 💫

When It Still Feels Too Hard 💬

Sometimes, exploring identity means unpacking the survival strategies that made joy feel unsafe or inaccessible.

At our practice, we support children, teens, and adults navigating identity exploration, burnout recovery, trauma healing, and more. Our therapists use approaches like Brainspotting, and somatic-based tools to reconnect you with your authentic self.

We also collaborate with occupational therapy and refer to trusted providers for functional medicine or neurofeedback when appropriate. Your healing can be holistic. 🌿

This blog is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for mental health treatment. All therapy services are provided by or under supervision of licensed providers in the state of Tennessee.

Leah Lennox